Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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