i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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