Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
