are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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