So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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