I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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