i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
