My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
