so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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