hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
