hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
