New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize