You made me cry and you don't even care
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
