Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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