just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
