Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
