my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
