It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
