sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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