I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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