Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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