It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
