The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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