are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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