if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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