Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Randomize
