I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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