omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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