he shaved USA in his pubs
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
