I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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