A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
