Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
