I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
