I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
