He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
