I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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