I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
