i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize