Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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