I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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