I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
