I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
