You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
