do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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