im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just puked most of my soul out..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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