im drinking this country out of the recession.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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