who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She needs sedatives and a leash
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
