Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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