Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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