I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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