So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
