a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
