she was so not down for the gang bang
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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