I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Welp...herpes.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
