i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
