About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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