Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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