Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
