Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
