she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
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