Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
People in love make me want to vomit
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
