I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
