last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
