they need to just BURY HIM!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
