$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
