just tell him i said nine months
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
