Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
