A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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