ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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