this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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