My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
