It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
