I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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