textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Life is so much better after having sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize