Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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