Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
