Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
