in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
