i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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