My friends, they love my intelligence
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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