I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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