I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
