please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
