happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
